The story of a man and his search to avoid joining the real world at all costs. Mostly tongue-in-cheek, I think.


Is the Finish Line in Sight?

Had another interview today, and this one looks promising. I got the interview through a friend of mine; the whole process from sending the resume to interviewing took about 5 days, so that's a good sign.

Standard interview stuff, no curveballs in the mix. I just got over the flu (haven't completely gotten over it really), so I didn't have my A game with me, but it was a solid, if unspectacular performance. And my friend actually just called me to say that I'm going to be offered the job. Wow. That was quick, if it's true. I have to take my buddy's words with a grain of salt, since he is, well, a bit of a loose cannon, shall we say.

But for now, I'm cautiously optimistic. Much like Uta Pippig in the 1996 Boston Marathon, the finish line is near, and I'm on my way to victory. Well, except I don't have diarrhea and menstrual blood running down my leg.

And I will tell you this: I will BUST MY ASS for that company for the next 3 months. Actually, I'll coast after I give them my notice, and it will take me a couple of weeks to get acclimated. So that leaves me with two months, so now that I think about it, it's kinda pointless to go balls-out at this job.

So there it is: After the winter of my discontent, this will be the spring of V's Glorious Mediocrity.


Sounds Like Hard Livin

I got a call this morning from a prospective employer. The call actually woke me up, which I hate. Not because it woke me up. Well, OK, not ONLY because it woke me up. The problem was, I still had that "just woke up" voice, which sounds like a cross between Billy Bob Thornton in "Sling Blade" and Bea Arthur.

Not only was it to set up an interview, they did the whole phone pre-interview thing, which I can't stand. It caught me totally off guard. Fortunately, I wasn't hungover, or REALLY tired, so I was able to answer the questions semi-coherently, and I have an interview on Tuesday. I just need work.



So I got an email today from the place at which I interviewed:

Dear V,

Thank you for your interest in (company) and for taking the time to come into the Boston office. We enjoyed talking with you regarding the position.

While your experience and credentials are quite impressive, we will not be pursuing your candidacy at this time. Should an appropriate position become available in the near future, we will contact you to discuss the opportunity.

Again, thank you for your interest in (company) and we wish you the best of luck in your job search.

(HR Lady)

What the Christ. Three interviews. I met with 8 people. And I get a brush-off email? You've got to be shitting me. This is why I hate the whole corporate culture. I was treated with more respect and consideration when I interviewed at Wendy's. So what did I do? Yup, I replied:

Thank you for your reply. I must say that I was surprised and
disappointed to learn that I was not being offered a position. My
last meeting at (company) was last Monday, with (manager). I met with (manager) only because the manager who was supposed to interview me was out sick that day. (Manager) informed me that I would be called again to meet with that manager, and that was the last I heard, until today.

Since applying for a position with (company), I came in three times, and met with 8 different people over the course of a full month. In that time, I received other offers, but held out because I felt that (company) was the best fit for me. To have a prospective candidate come in several times, to meet with so many people over such an extended period of time is not an efficient way of handling things, and is not considerate of the circumstances of the candidate. Hopefully (company) will be more cognizant of such matters when dealing with candidates in the future.

Thank you,

Best believe I don't play. Bitches.


Hittin the Links

So, I added links to other interesting blogs. It was mostly to see if I am capable of doing such a thing. I did some rudimentary HTML in school, back in, ohhh, '96. That makes me feel old. But nonetheless, I figured it out. You should check out the links nonetheless. They will, at the very least, kill some time.

Yup, I'm Handy

So, I installed a toilet the other day. For those of you who don't know me, you must understand that I'm not the handiest person around. I can't fix anything. If there was a problem with, for example, my showerhead, I would simply do the logical thing, and take baths for the rest of my life. So this was a big step for me. How did I do it, you ask? Simple:

My brother would tell me to do something.
I would do it.

Easy enough. Now, if you asked me to do it again, I would have no clue. I know there was wax involved, as well as various bolts and washers. I would probably know enough to install it so that you down have to face the wall when doing your thing, but that's about it.

To this point, the highlight of my DIY life was putting a bike chain back in place. That was in, ohh, 1989. So maybe by the mid-21st century, I will put in a screen door. That's what I'm shooting for anyway.


Commercials are Stupid

Now, I'm not saying that the notion of commercials is dumb. I'm fully cognizant of the fact that the networks need to sell advertising space in order to make money, thus allowing me to watch the NCAA Tournament for free.

I'm saying that the ads themselves suck, specifically car ads. Take those Dodge Hemi ads for example. They market the power of the Hemi, and basically imply that you need a Dodge with a Hemi, otherwise you are lacking a wang.

For those who don't know, a Hemi is a Hemispherical Engine (Don't worry, I had to look it up). It apparently is considerably more powerful than your typical engine. That's all well and good. It's just that Dodge doesn't explain this. I understand that a lot of folks know what a Hemi is, but Dodge is marketing to those who don't. They are advertising an image, rather than promoting an engine. "If you don't have a Hemi, you might as well turn in your Man Membership" is what they're trying to say.

And then there are the "Trail Rated" Jeeps. What the fuck is that? That phrase means nothing. At the end of the ad, the rugged sounding voiceover says, "If it's not Trail Rated, it's not a Jeep." You're goddamn right it's not a Jeep, because "Trail Rated" is a term of pseudo-certification created in an ad agency meeting.

And my favorite of all is the local ads for the Ford Explorer. The Explorer is apparently the "Official SUV of the New England Patriots," whatever that means. In a recent ad, they mention the deals they're offering. Low financing, added options, etc. But then they drop this one on us:

"PLUS, a $500 Championship Bonus!"

Wait a minute. Am I supposed to believe that if the Eagles had somehow won, people throughout New England would have to spend an extra $500 on Explorers? Would people in the Philadelphia area be saving $500? Does anyone believe this?

If you're making a commercial, either be funny, or tell me what I'm getting, along with some legitimate reasons why I should buy it. Failing that, find a way to incorporate monkeys into the ad.


Decision Time

In other news . . .

I've got a decision to make. I applied to a number of reputable Master's programs in Public Policy. Of the ones that accepted me, the most attractive is the Heinz School at Carnegie Mellon. They offered me a full scholarship, so that's tough to pass up.

However, a wild card has emerged. I've been accepted to the Football Industries MBA program at the University of Liverpool. While it would cost more than CMU, it's a one-year program, it would give me a chance to see something new, and it could lead to a career in football (i.e. soccer), which would be really frickin cool.

CMU's definitely the safer bet. I would probably try to move on to a PhD, and maybe get a teaching job at a school somewhere, which wouldn't be bad at all. But the U. of Liverpool idea is VERY intriguing. I'm not sure what to do, so I'm looking for advice. And who better to ask for advice in making a major life decision than the anonymous masses of the internet????

A Big Waste of Frickin Time

Well, I had my third interview yesterday. Well, sorta. Upon arriving there, I was informed that the hiring manager had called in sick, and one of the other managers would be interviewing me. Whatever, things happen. So, I'm there about 1/2 an hour, answering the same questions I've answered countless times. Keep in mind, this is the FIFTH PERSON to ask the standard interview questions. At the end, I am informed that I will be called back to meet with the manager that called in sick. Fabulous. Fucking fabulous. I should pass along my multiple dry cleaning charges to those inefficient bastards. Provided I get the job, I will spend more time interviewing than I will working. That'll show them.


Living the Glamorous Life

It is 3 in the afternoon, and I am drinking. Only the really fortunate folks can live this sort of existence. I am drinking Vanilla vodka and root beer. It's quite good actually. I know, I am one of the fortunate people. Summering in the Azores, 8 months without working, long nights and non-existent mornings.

Now you might ask, "But V, I thought you were broke? Aren't you looking for work? Is this a lame excuse to put Sheila E on your blog?" The answer to all of those questions is yes. But that being said, it's all about putting a spin on things. I try not to think about my credit card debt, my employment status, or having been single for far too long. I try to trust that things will tend to work out, because I think I'm a good person, and am a firm believer in karma.

Plus, I'm bi-polar. So within a week, you may see a post contradicting everything I've said above.


My Timing is Impeccable

The place called back, I have yet another interview on Monday. God knows I'm going to have to answer the same damn questions again. Whatever, I'm used to it, and I'm pretty confident that I'll be working soon.

On the bright side, I won't be working this week, meaning I can fully enjoy the NCAA Tournament. I used to pretend to be sick every year from 5th grade on to watch either that or the Big East Tournament, and the tradition continued to my working life. Yes, I am a complete douchebag.


The Waiting Game

So, the place I interviewed with called. Apparently, the department for which I interviewed is doing some "reshuffling," so they're not sure if or when they'll be hiring people. That's efficient. But they passed my resume along to another department, so I will get a call shortly (hopefully) to set up yet another interview.

I just want to work, get some cash for a few months, and bounce.

Goddamn, Amerie looks great in her new video. Did I mention I have severe ADHD?


Practice What You Preach "Fitty"

So, 50 Cent has "taken over" MTV Jams, showing his favorite videos. Among his favorites:

"They Reminisce Over You" -- Pete Rock and CL Smooth
"Funky Enough" -- The D.O.C.
"Run's House" -- Run DMC

So my question is, how can someone who apparently has very good taste in music be responsible for putting out such garbage himself? Really makes you think.

And for the record, "Really makes you think" is one of the great ways to cop-out of a post without having anything profound to say.


Pickin Up the Pace

OK, so I've decided to post here more frequently, now that my friend Beo has started his blog, and posted with alarming frequency. Check it out here, you won't be disappointed.

To recap the last few days:

Went to a wedding in NC this weekend, very upscale affair, the bride's family spared no expense. At one point, I had the shuttle driver take me to get Miller High Life 40's and Burger King. Wore my new suit, and got very favorable reviews. Unfortunately, they were primarily from my friends' girlfriends or mothers.

Had a good 2nd interview on Wednesday, and was told they would call by Friday. They didn't. I'm giving them a buzz tomorrow.