Flipflops, Socks, and Sweatpants

For the Single and Forlorn

2005-10-21T00:26:00.000-04:00

While I'm here, I have to pimp my homegirl's new blog.

Looking for that special someone?
Tired of the same old type of guy/girl/other?

Go here for some stories, advice, etc.

Hope Actually

Love, Peace, and Hairgrease.

Guess Who's Bizack.

2005-10-21T00:14:00.000-04:00

Long time no write folks. When I left you, dear reader, I was readying for a move to Pittsburgh to start grad school. Well, here I am. Been here a couple of months, school's going pretty well and such, and I'm all settled in.

You know what? I like Pittsburgh. Bill Simmons once said, "Take the best parts of Portland, Oregon, put it in Hartford, and you have Pittsburgh." That's a pretty good assessment, I must say. It has that blue-collar vibe, but there's plenty to do (but not enough to distract me from my studies).

This is what I said in June:

I have to learn to, like, study and stuff, and stay on top of my school work. I've never really done that before . . . But now I have no choice but to step up my game. I have a scholarship that is conducive on maintaining good grades. I have to treat grad school as my profession for the next couple of years.

I guess I've done a half-decent job of that, although I could admittedly be a bit more diligent in my studies. But it's all good. My roommates are cool, and I've met cool people at school. I certainly needed a fresh start of sorts.

So, yeah, that's where I am at the moment. I'll start posting random shit in the future, possibly even entertaining of interesting stuff.

Work? I Guess You Could Call It That

2005-06-23T19:28:00.000-04:00

So, I don't do a lot of work. Those of you who know me know that I'm not a huge fan of working. Not really my thing. So it's kind of ironic that a job that I had no intention of keeping has actually been pretty cool. My boss is laid back, I get my stuff done, and can use the rest of the day to surf the web, take numerous smoke breaks, and enjoy the city.

I put in a good hour and a half of work today though, close to my record. A couple of folks are on vacation, so I'm there to pick up the slack. And I do it well dammit. I'm one hell of a slack-picker-upper. Or something.

But I'm almost done. A week from Friday to be exact. Then the month of July is all about getting ready to move, and enjoying myself. No, not that way. Well, actually, yeah I guess it's that way too.

Commercials are Still Stupid

2005-06-21T21:32:00.000-04:00

How is it that the same people responsible for a piece of genius can also be repsonsible for utter garbage? No, I'm not juxtaposing Jay-Z's "Reasonable Doubt" with the decorative coaster that is the "Roc La Familia" CD. I'm talking about Quizno's, or specifically the ad agency it contracted.

They make decent subs. I like that they're toasted, and their Broccoli Cheddar soup is quite tasty. But I'm talking about the commercials they've put out in the past year or so.

Last year, Quizno's put out a piece of absolute genius: Those freaky-ass rodent ads(click here for the ad). They were ugly, goofy, and to the point:

"We love the subs!
'Cuz they are good to us.
The Quiznos subs.
They are tasty,
They are crunchy,
They are warm because they toast them.
They got a pepper bar!"

Genius. The ads actually convinced me to try their subs.

And now they come with this:

A fucking talking baby. Are you serious? Who finds talking babies amusing anymore? I fucking get it. The baby talks. Babies don't actually talk like that. This is on par with a chimp wearing a suit, doing stuff humans do. It's so passe. Bring back the goofiness!

So I've had it. I sent an email to Quizno's marketing department, threatening to stop patronizing their restaurants unless they bring back the rodents, or at least get rid of the stupid-ass talking baby. I implore you to do the same.

For all of you who choose not to flip around during commercial breaks, who find advertising to be part of the entertainment experience, this is your duty as an American.

I bid you farewell for now.

FFS&S: The Interactive Edition

2005-06-14T00:02:00.000-04:00

As I may or may not have mentioned before, I've decided that my last day of work will be Friday, July 1. Since I'm an upstanding sort of guy, I am going to give my two weeks notice. So, if you do the math, that means I'll be giving my notice this week.

So here's where you come in. I need to give a reason as to why I'm leaving. "I got into grad school in March and never planned on staying more than a couple of months" is not a viable option. Part of me wants to do something really creative. One suggestion I received was "I'm leaving to pursue my dream of becoming an astronaut." Not bad. But I need a reason I can give with a straight face.

So, please post any suggestions you may have. If I choose your suggestion, I'll send you a dollar. Seriously.

Have fun.

So, I'm Still Alive and Stuff

2005-06-12T17:09:00.000-04:00

It's been about 6 weeks without posting. Not sure why I haven't. Maybe it's because I started working. I tend to just come home and vegetate when I get out of work, and I've had little motivation to post. So, yeah . . .

Well, I'm about 8 weeks from moving. I have to say I never imagined I'd be living in Pittsburgh, but I guess that just shows how life can take you in unforeseen directions. I'm running the gamut of emotions about this: excited, nervous, anxious, worried, etc. I know things will be just fine, but I have a tendency to worry nonetheless. I get that from my mama I guess.

But this is going to be good for me. I have to learn to, like, study and stuff, and stay on top of my school work. I've never really done that before. Even as I finished my undergrad degree, I would generally procrastinate. I have to admit that my GPA was not reflective of the work I put into it. I've never really been able to bear down and just handle my BI in a timely fashion. But now I have no choice but to step up my game. I have a scholarship that is conducive on maintaining good grades. I have to treat grad school as my profession for the next couple of years.

What else is going on? Not much really. Just trying to enjoy the warm weather a bit, and balance my time between my friends and achieving the solitude and introspection necessary to keep me sane. I've had mixed results admittedly.

So, yeah, this isn't a funny post, or particularly thoughtful for that matter. But hey, I posted, so fuck you.

Where Does it All Get You?

2005-04-26T22:34:00.000-04:00

I've been contemplative lately. My new job is boring so far, since they are still teaching me a lot of stuff, and I'm not comfortable openly surfing the web for long stretches, so I've had plenty of time to think. I've been thinking about my future, where it will take me, etc. And I wonder if it's all worth it.

Why, exactly, is ambition a natural instinct? What causes a person to naturally strive to succeed, whether it be in work, school, relationships, etc? For example, I will be enrolling in a very highly-regarded master's program in the fall. This will, ostensibly, enable me to get a good job that allows me to make a substantive impact on society, and possibly make some good coin along the way. But what's the point? It's not like I sat back and made a conscious decision to better my life. I just did it. I never really considered that there could be an alternative.

Why did I never consider that there's nothing wrong with getting any old job that pays the bills, living check-to-check, just enjoying my free time and not worrying about breaking the bank, gaining esteem, and striving to improve my life and the lives of others? Surely there's nothing wrong with that. I could still seek out knowledge through alternate means, couldn't I?

I think it's the old "nature vs. nurture" argument. I haven't always been the most ambitious person (as if being unemployed for the duration of the human gestation process wasn't evidence of that). But I always had some sort of ideals, and goals. Lately, I've sought to replace talk with action, with mixed results. But that ambition, at some level, has always been there. Where did it come from?

As for the "nature" argument, like I mentioned before, it's always seemed inherent. It seems just about everyone wants to improve their lives on one level or another. But then there are the folks who fall through the cracks, either due to bad luck, bad circumstances, and so on, and essentially have given up on life.

I think there's some validity to the "nurture" argument as well. I'm the son of parents who immigrated to the US about 35 years ago. They came over here in search of the old cliches: Opportunity, a better life for my brothers and I, you know, the whole American Dream. As a result, they instilled a sense of purpose in us. But then, other folks were in similar situations as mine, and may not have the same "instincts." So there are pros and cons to each argument.

I guess what I'm saying is that I don't know why I do the things I do, such as why I'm trying to leave such a good impression on an employer I'll be leaving in a couple of months, or why we care about people we'll never meet in parts of the world we'll never visit. My gut tells me it's a sign of our humanity. But likewise, the fact that we don't know for sure is an even better sign of our humanity.

Work . . . It Ain't That Bad, I guess.

2005-04-25T22:26:00.000-04:00

So, I went to work today, for the first time since July 13, 2004. Getting up at 6:30 was a bitch, to say the least. Had to go to orientation, they discussed benefits and such of course. Then went to work. Things were slooooow. Didn't do a whole lot. The manager said, "Well, when it's slow, just surf on the internet or something." Not bad!

So, I'm thinking this could be a good deal for about 10 weeks or so. But it was funny, I was just out in the garage, smoking a cigarette, when it occurred to me: "Damn, I have to go again tomorrow."

But it could be worse. I could be an EXPLODING TOAD.

The 40 Week Itch Comes to an End

2005-04-22T14:34:00.000-04:00

So, this is the last day of my vacation. Most folks are lucky to get 3 weeks, and I got 40. Not too shabby.

So I guess this is the best time to take stock of things, and determine what I accomplished (and failed to accomplish).

I will finish school. Not too bad I guess, it was about damn time, but I got it done. There was a point where I thought I'd never finish.

I'm going to start hitting the gym. Ummm, not quite. I think I was drunk when I made this vow, so that sorta goes out the window.

I'm going to apply for, and hopefully get into, a good grad school. Hell yes. Got into a good program, on a full scholarship (which I totally didn't expect). Things are definitely looking good for the future.

I will keep busy by reading a lot, taking in some culture, and finding out about myself. Not even close. I surfed the web, played video games, and often drank in the afternoon.

All told, a mixed bag for sure. But that's par for the course for me. I've long been a "lots of talk, no action" kinda guy. So for me to actually get some stuff done is a step in the right direction.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some cocktails to fix.

According to a Published Study . . . You're a Moron

2005-04-19T22:47:00.000-04:00

I was just watching the news (WARNING: This is from the local FOX affiliate), and they had a report on a study that was recently published. The main supposition of the study is that people who are happier live longer. Well, no shit. Besides the fact that stress has negative effects on your health, they didn't discuss WHY these people aren't happy.

For example, despite what the songs and the movies say, people who are financially stable are, in general, less stressed out, and thereby happier, than those who aren't. And those who have money troubles are more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, and (in the US) are less likely to have sufficient health care. Of course, the study doesn't go into that.

Recently, the free-speech hating douchebags at the Parents Television Council have hailed a study citing that children who watch more TV are more likely to become bullies. Of course, the PTC uses this as evidence that violent TV programming creates violent children. They fail to add 2 and 2 and deduce that perhaps kids who watch a lot of TV aren't getting the emotional support that they need from THEIR PARENTS! Of course, these folks would far rather place the blame on Hollywood than take responsibility for their own kids. It takes a lot less time, and is far more self-affirming to rely on someone else to raise your kids, of course.

Never Quite Comfortable

2005-04-19T22:36:00.000-04:00

Things are going pretty well for me right now. I'm starting grad school in a very well-regarded problem, and don't have to pay a penny for tuition. I got a job for the next couple of months so I can save up a little cash before I move. I'm relatively healthy, have a great family, and good friends. So why am I always so nervous and worried about things?

I can't remember the last time I was completely content with my present and future state of affairs. It probably goes back to elementary school, when I didn't have a care in the world. And I can't quite put my finger on why that is.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not upset or depressed or anything. I've just never felt really comfortable with the way things are going. And by all accounts, I should be. I've set myself up in a manner that I should be able to get a good job in something that interests me, or go for a PhD, or take one of any number of paths. But for some reason, the uncertainty, nervousness, and worry lingers. And often, I wonder if/when I'll ever be entirely comfortable with things.

I Work Hard for the Money

2005-04-12T17:04:00.000-04:00

So I have a job.

I wil being my employment for a prominent bank/custodian on the 25th. I needed the work badly. It'll be for 3 months, so I'm going to enjoy it. Should be interesting.

Getting back to the working world will certainly be a transition after about 9 months. The whole "waking up in the AM" part will be the toughest. But whatever, I'll be able to save up some cash for when I move. Things are looking up for me.

Extravagant Traveler

2005-04-04T22:53:00.000-04:00

Well, I went to Pittsburgh this weekend to visit CMU. It was pretty cool. The program is different from what I had envisioned; it focused far more on practical applications and analysis than I had envisioned, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but different. I think that more of my classes will be less interesting, and perhaps more difficult, but at the same time I think it will better prepare me for a career (and isn't that the whole point?). Didn't have a whole lot of time to see the city. The parts surrounding campus are pretty nice, but I'll have to head out there in June to find an apartment.

By the way, I sent in my deposit and signed my promissory note for the student loan, so it's a done deal. I have a felling that part of me will be asking "what if," but I think this was the best decision for me. It was the more practical, less impulsive move. Ordinarily, I would do the impulsive, exciting thing, and to be honest, it hasn't worked out too well for me in the past, so I'm thinking that a change of course is the thing to do.

Is the Finish Line in Sight?

2005-03-29T20:35:00.000-05:00

Had another interview today, and this one looks promising. I got the interview through a friend of mine; the whole process from sending the resume to interviewing took about 5 days, so that's a good sign.

Standard interview stuff, no curveballs in the mix. I just got over the flu (haven't completely gotten over it really), so I didn't have my A game with me, but it was a solid, if unspectacular performance. And my friend actually just called me to say that I'm going to be offered the job. Wow. That was quick, if it's true. I have to take my buddy's words with a grain of salt, since he is, well, a bit of a loose cannon, shall we say.

But for now, I'm cautiously optimistic. Much like Uta Pippig in the 1996 Boston Marathon, the finish line is near, and I'm on my way to victory. Well, except I don't have diarrhea and menstrual blood running down my leg.

And I will tell you this: I will BUST MY ASS for that company for the next 3 months. Actually, I'll coast after I give them my notice, and it will take me a couple of weeks to get acclimated. So that leaves me with two months, so now that I think about it, it's kinda pointless to go balls-out at this job.

So there it is: After the winter of my discontent, this will be the spring of V's Glorious Mediocrity.

Sounds Like Hard Livin

2005-03-24T11:29:00.000-05:00

I got a call this morning from a prospective employer. The call actually woke me up, which I hate. Not because it woke me up. Well, OK, not ONLY because it woke me up. The problem was, I still had that "just woke up" voice, which sounds like a cross between Billy Bob Thornton in "Sling Blade" and Bea Arthur.

Not only was it to set up an interview, they did the whole phone pre-interview thing, which I can't stand. It caught me totally off guard. Fortunately, I wasn't hungover, or REALLY tired, so I was able to answer the questions semi-coherently, and I have an interview on Tuesday. I just need work.

REJECTED!

2005-03-22T14:40:00.000-05:00

So I got an email today from the place at which I interviewed:

Dear V,

Thank you for your interest in (company) and for taking the time to come into the Boston office. We enjoyed talking with you regarding the position.

While your experience and credentials are quite impressive, we will not be pursuing your candidacy at this time. Should an appropriate position become available in the near future, we will contact you to discuss the opportunity.

Again, thank you for your interest in (company) and we wish you the best of luck in your job search.

Sincerely,
(HR Lady)

What the Christ. Three interviews. I met with 8 people. And I get a brush-off email? You've got to be shitting me. This is why I hate the whole corporate culture. I was treated with more respect and consideration when I interviewed at Wendy's. So what did I do? Yup, I replied:

Thank you for your reply. I must say that I was surprised and
disappointed to learn that I was not being offered a position. My
last meeting at (company) was last Monday, with (manager). I met with (manager) only because the manager who was supposed to interview me was out sick that day. (Manager) informed me that I would be called again to meet with that manager, and that was the last I heard, until today.

Since applying for a position with (company), I came in three times, and met with 8 different people over the course of a full month. In that time, I received other offers, but held out because I felt that (company) was the best fit for me. To have a prospective candidate come in several times, to meet with so many people over such an extended period of time is not an efficient way of handling things, and is not considerate of the circumstances of the candidate. Hopefully (company) will be more cognizant of such matters when dealing with candidates in the future.

Thank you,
V

Best believe I don't play. Bitches.

Hittin the Links

2005-03-21T23:51:00.000-05:00

So, I added links to other interesting blogs. It was mostly to see if I am capable of doing such a thing. I did some rudimentary HTML in school, back in, ohhh, '96. That makes me feel old. But nonetheless, I figured it out. You should check out the links nonetheless. They will, at the very least, kill some time.

Yup, I'm Handy

2005-03-21T20:01:00.000-05:00

So, I installed a toilet the other day. For those of you who don't know me, you must understand that I'm not the handiest person around. I can't fix anything. If there was a problem with, for example, my showerhead, I would simply do the logical thing, and take baths for the rest of my life. So this was a big step for me. How did I do it, you ask? Simple:

My brother would tell me to do something.
I would do it.

Easy enough. Now, if you asked me to do it again, I would have no clue. I know there was wax involved, as well as various bolts and washers. I would probably know enough to install it so that you down have to face the wall when doing your thing, but that's about it.

To this point, the highlight of my DIY life was putting a bike chain back in place. That was in, ohh, 1989. So maybe by the mid-21st century, I will put in a screen door. That's what I'm shooting for anyway.

Commercials are Stupid

2005-03-17T22:21:00.000-05:00

Now, I'm not saying that the notion of commercials is dumb. I'm fully cognizant of the fact that the networks need to sell advertising space in order to make money, thus allowing me to watch the NCAA Tournament for free.

I'm saying that the ads themselves suck, specifically car ads. Take those Dodge Hemi ads for example. They market the power of the Hemi, and basically imply that you need a Dodge with a Hemi, otherwise you are lacking a wang.

For those who don't know, a Hemi is a Hemispherical Engine (Don't worry, I had to look it up). It apparently is considerably more powerful than your typical engine. That's all well and good. It's just that Dodge doesn't explain this. I understand that a lot of folks know what a Hemi is, but Dodge is marketing to those who don't. They are advertising an image, rather than promoting an engine. "If you don't have a Hemi, you might as well turn in your Man Membership" is what they're trying to say.

And then there are the "Trail Rated" Jeeps. What the fuck is that? That phrase means nothing. At the end of the ad, the rugged sounding voiceover says, "If it's not Trail Rated, it's not a Jeep." You're goddamn right it's not a Jeep, because "Trail Rated" is a term of pseudo-certification created in an ad agency meeting.

And my favorite of all is the local ads for the Ford Explorer. The Explorer is apparently the "Official SUV of the New England Patriots," whatever that means. In a recent ad, they mention the deals they're offering. Low financing, added options, etc. But then they drop this one on us:

"PLUS, a $500 Championship Bonus!"

Wait a minute. Am I supposed to believe that if the Eagles had somehow won, people throughout New England would have to spend an extra $500 on Explorers? Would people in the Philadelphia area be saving $500? Does anyone believe this?

If you're making a commercial, either be funny, or tell me what I'm getting, along with some legitimate reasons why I should buy it. Failing that, find a way to incorporate monkeys into the ad.

Decision Time

2005-03-15T22:02:00.000-05:00

In other news . . .

I've got a decision to make. I applied to a number of reputable Master's programs in Public Policy. Of the ones that accepted me, the most attractive is the Heinz School at Carnegie Mellon. They offered me a full scholarship, so that's tough to pass up.

However, a wild card has emerged. I've been accepted to the Football Industries MBA program at the University of Liverpool. While it would cost more than CMU, it's a one-year program, it would give me a chance to see something new, and it could lead to a career in football (i.e. soccer), which would be really frickin cool.

CMU's definitely the safer bet. I would probably try to move on to a PhD, and maybe get a teaching job at a school somewhere, which wouldn't be bad at all. But the U. of Liverpool idea is VERY intriguing. I'm not sure what to do, so I'm looking for advice. And who better to ask for advice in making a major life decision than the anonymous masses of the internet????

A Big Waste of Frickin Time

2005-03-15T21:49:00.000-05:00

Well, I had my third interview yesterday. Well, sorta. Upon arriving there, I was informed that the hiring manager had called in sick, and one of the other managers would be interviewing me. Whatever, things happen. So, I'm there about 1/2 an hour, answering the same questions I've answered countless times. Keep in mind, this is the FIFTH PERSON to ask the standard interview questions. At the end, I am informed that I will be called back to meet with the manager that called in sick. Fabulous. Fucking fabulous. I should pass along my multiple dry cleaning charges to those inefficient bastards. Provided I get the job, I will spend more time interviewing than I will working. That'll show them.

Living the Glamorous Life

2005-03-11T15:25:00.000-05:00

It is 3 in the afternoon, and I am drinking. Only the really fortunate folks can live this sort of existence. I am drinking Vanilla vodka and root beer. It's quite good actually. I know, I am one of the fortunate people. Summering in the Azores, 8 months without working, long nights and non-existent mornings.

Now you might ask, "But V, I thought you were broke? Aren't you looking for work? Is this a lame excuse to put Sheila E on your blog?" The answer to all of those questions is yes. But that being said, it's all about putting a spin on things. I try not to think about my credit card debt, my employment status, or having been single for far too long. I try to trust that things will tend to work out, because I think I'm a good person, and am a firm believer in karma.

Plus, I'm bi-polar. So within a week, you may see a post contradicting everything I've said above.

My Timing is Impeccable

2005-03-10T15:01:00.000-05:00

The place called back, I have yet another interview on Monday. God knows I'm going to have to answer the same damn questions again. Whatever, I'm used to it, and I'm pretty confident that I'll be working soon.

On the bright side, I won't be working this week, meaning I can fully enjoy the NCAA Tournament. I used to pretend to be sick every year from 5th grade on to watch either that or the Big East Tournament, and the tradition continued to my working life. Yes, I am a complete douchebag.

The Waiting Game

2005-03-09T17:56:00.000-05:00

So, the place I interviewed with called. Apparently, the department for which I interviewed is doing some "reshuffling," so they're not sure if or when they'll be hiring people. That's efficient. But they passed my resume along to another department, so I will get a call shortly (hopefully) to set up yet another interview.

I just want to work, get some cash for a few months, and bounce.

Goddamn, Amerie looks great in her new video. Did I mention I have severe ADHD?

Practice What You Preach "Fitty"

2005-03-08T23:59:00.000-05:00

So, 50 Cent has "taken over" MTV Jams, showing his favorite videos. Among his favorites:

"They Reminisce Over You" -- Pete Rock and CL Smooth
"Funky Enough" -- The D.O.C.
"Run's House" -- Run DMC

So my question is, how can someone who apparently has very good taste in music be responsible for putting out such garbage himself? Really makes you think.

And for the record, "Really makes you think" is one of the great ways to cop-out of a post without having anything profound to say.

Pickin Up the Pace

2005-03-07T22:56:00.000-05:00

OK, so I've decided to post here more frequently, now that my friend Beo has started his blog, and posted with alarming frequency. Check it out here, you won't be disappointed.

To recap the last few days:

Went to a wedding in NC this weekend, very upscale affair, the bride's family spared no expense. At one point, I had the shuttle driver take me to get Miller High Life 40's and Burger King. Wore my new suit, and got very favorable reviews. Unfortunately, they were primarily from my friends' girlfriends or mothers.

Had a good 2nd interview on Wednesday, and was told they would call by Friday. They didn't. I'm giving them a buzz tomorrow.

Domestic Disturbance

2005-02-28T22:58:00.000-05:00

Well, I have three interviews coming up; one tomorrow, two on Wednesday. So I gotta get my suit in order and such, and you know what that means -- ironing.

Now, for a little background: My mama handled these sort of things back in the day. She was very much the domestic type, very old-school immigrant stuff. So cooking, cleaning, etc. was her domain. Now you may ask, "V, why didn't you help out, or learn how to do these things?" To which I say, think about it. When you were in high school, if you didn't have to make your bed, did you? OK, I thought so.

So anyway, I have to iron my shirt and pants and such. To be short, it was a debacle. Too much starch, can't do the sleeves quite right, etc. It got worse and worse.

At one point, I realized that I was starching my pants. That won't be good for the ol' nether regions, that's for sure.

So when my parents called this evening, I asked my mom for pointers. That was something. She was literally more excited to learn that I was ironing than she was when I told her that I got into grad school with a full scholarship. That's the beauty of low expectations I guess.

Nonetheless, I'm ready for the interviews, and ready to get a job, as my last unemployment check will be arriving tomorrow.

Qualified . . . and SEXY!

2005-02-22T18:41:00.000-05:00

So, I ordered a suit on overstock.com the other day, since I have a wedding to attend in North Carolina next week, and need to look good for any single, slightly drunk Southern belles that might attend. Anyway, I got the suit yesterday, which surprised me with it being a holiday and all. So I decided to wear it to my interview today.

The interview went really well. I was there for two hours, spoke with four different people, and was able to answer any question they sent my way. Whether I could answer such questions truthfully is another matter altogether. Suffice to say, I didn't mention that I'm only looking to work through mid-July or so, as that would have been what corporate jargonists label "a career-limiting decision".

After meeting with the HR girl, I was directed to another building where the actual department is located. As the elevator doors were closing, the HR girl blurted out, "By the way, I love that suit!"

F yes. I was on some suave Pierce Brosnan shit today. So, I'm at the station, waiting for my train home, when the HR girl called to set up the second interview. This was roughly 20-30 minutes after finishing the first one. Hell yes, I can interview like a mofo. So I'm going back either Friday or Monday.

Which is all rather ironic, since this blog originated on the premise of my search for a job. And as much as I'd hate to blow my proverbial load early, I really need some cash.

How about that!

2005-02-18T11:01:00.000-05:00

The Power of the Blog!

So guess what happened within 24 hours of putting up my "Help Wanted" blog? Yup, I got a call for a job interview. A local financial services firm is looking for a "Corporate Actions Specialist." Nope, I don't know what the hell that means either.

The HR rep gave me sort of a pre-interview over the phone. She asked what my aspirations were. I mentioned that I was hoping to begin study part-time toward an MBA within the next couple of years at a local school. Of course, in reality "hoping to begin" means "will begin", "part-time" means "full-time", "within the next couple of years" means "in August", and "at a local school" means "in Pittsburgh." But she really didn't need to know that.

So, I have an interview on Tuesday. Eh. The way I see it, most jobs I've had don't start to suck for six months. If I were to get a job, I'd be outta there in about five months. So it'd be sort of like a paid internship, except I wouldn't be preparing for a job in the industry, and they wouldn't know that it's short term.

So things are looking up, or something.

Help Wanted?

2005-02-18T02:45:00.000-05:00

So, I need a job. I've been out of work since last July, but haven't been lacking for money (big ups to the good people at the Massachusetts Dept. of Employment and Training for that). So yeah, I've been collecting unemployment, under the auspices of looking for work in the process. The problem is, it is WAY TOO EASY to keep collecting. I go online once a week, and answer four yes/no questions. The questions are always the same; I even know the order of the "correct" answers (yes, yes, no, no). The whole process takes me, literally, 30 seconds. It takes more effort to go to the mailbox to get my check than it does to actually "earn" the check.

But now my benefits are running out in a couple of weeks. I was thinking about filing for an extension. My friend, who has split the last five years evenly between working and collecting on the dole, has given me the lowdown on it. (And trust me, this guy is an expert. He once collected unemployment for three months WHILE IN PRISON, I shit you not.)

But thinking about it more deeply, what kind of responsible citizen would I be if I leeched the government for more money? I would be just like the "Chicago Welfare Queen" that Reagan talked about so much in the '80s. Well, except for the fact that I actually exist, whereas the Welfare Queen was a figment of some speechwriter's imagination.

So, long story short, I need a job. I only need to work for 4, maybe 5 months, since I'll be starting grad school in the fall. Now let me get a couple of things straight, regardless of what I say on my resume or any cover letter:

I am NOT a team player. I don't care what you did last weekend, and I don't want to help you with a mail merge at 4:30 on a Friday, because I'm done doing any work for the week by 11:00. On Thursday. So don't ask.

I am NOT looking to advance within the company. Sorry, but toiling for 60 hours a week, for 15 years, just so I can be middle-management, thereby spending my life struggling to pay the mortgage and private school, all while wearing the Andy Sipowicz shortsleeve shirt/tie combo is not my cup of tea.

I am NOT proactive, I do NOT think outside the box, I do NOT care about your fucking mission statement, and I DON'T fulfill any bullshit corporate buzzword you can think of.

(Hmmm, wonder why I'm currently unemployed?)

So, you ask, what WILL I do?

I'll add. I'm really good at adding numbers together. Been pretty rock solid at it since age 5, so I figure there's no reason to mess with a good thing.

I'll file. I alphabetize like a mofo.

I'll write. I spell really well. My greatest achievement is coming within two words of going to the National Spelling Bee (stop laughing).

Like I said, I'm only looking to make some cash till July or so. Maybe June, I might take the summer off. And there's Memorial Day Weekend. Plus, I have to go to a wedding at the beginning of March, and I don't want to use my new suit for an interview. Since the job hunting process takes at least a few weeks, I'm looking for a target date of April 1 to start working.

So basically, I'm looking for someone that:
a) won't give me any crap to deal with
b) will let me spend 20-25 hours a week on MySpace trying to filter out the 15 year-old girls who lied about their ages to sign up, and
c) is willing to hire someone who will only work for six weeks.

You can send job descriptions, with salary info to:

delusional@whatthefuckishethinking.com